Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
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So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
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Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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