I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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