my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
