Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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