I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize