'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
