I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
