Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
