Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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