I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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