When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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