i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
