Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
