Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
