my mouth tastes like poor choices
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
