mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
