Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
