mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the condom got lost in my hair
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
