it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
