Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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