go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
