he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize