dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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