Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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