Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
