I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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