I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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