I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
