I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
