u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
