ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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