There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
