you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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