Me too!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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