I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
