There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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