I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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