it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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