community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
