We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
