if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
