HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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