i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
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Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
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Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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