operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
