now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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