people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize