nut hugger
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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