yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
