Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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