I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
