remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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