either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
