During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize