honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
