So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
