would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize