So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
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HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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