brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
