you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
