just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Is Oprah even human
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
