so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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