It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
