I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
