Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
