Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
