I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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