How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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