how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
