My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i think i just lost a toe
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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