community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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