i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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