we're blogging at a bar
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
