How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize