Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
