What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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