I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
