Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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