just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
