Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
