Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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