i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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