Jerry, you need to find god
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
