I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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