i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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