are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
