OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
