Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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