Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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