You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
